SOME MAY FIND THIS ARTICLE TRIGGERING OR DISTURBING
The heartbreaking statistic is that 1 out of 2 women will face domestic violence in the state of Oklahoma. Disturbingly, Oklahoma is the highest-ranking state for domestic violence. Unfortunately, domestic abuse survivors can attest that there was not just one incident of abuse that they endured, but on average it takes 7 attempts of leaving for the victim to finally leave the abuser for good. Sadly, there is possibility that several of you reading this may be in an abusive situation and not be able to admit it to yourself, much less summon up the courage to leave. The purpose of this article is to see if anything mentioned below resonates with you and if so, there are a list of resources at the bottom. Perhaps you are painfully aware there is something that is not right in your relationship but cannot bring yourself to admit the terms violence or abuse.
Reasons vary on why women stay with an abuser, but oddly enough most abusive relationships start with similar patterns. Most abusive men are charming and charismatic in the beginning. They typically try to achieve certain levels of commitment swiftly. Once the abuser starts to realize their idealistic woman has flaws because she is human, his true selves start to emerge. Being in a relationship with an abuser is similar to the story of a frog being boiled alive. The frog is initially put in cold water, and it doesn’t not realize that the temperature of the water is slowly increasing until it is boiling and the frog gets boiled alive.
Similarly, an abusive man does a small act that crosses a distinct line, the abuser apologizes for that behavior. From there the abuser continues the behavior or increases the level of abuse, blaming it on some excuse typically involving their own trauma. The abuser keeps crossing lines and the victim keeps forgiving in hopes that the situation will improve and be restored. Eventually the abuser blames the victim for the abuse that the victim “deserved” the abuse because of their perceived behavior or lack thereof. From there the victim lives her life walking on eggshells. Unfortunately, once physical abuse is involved it is almost unheard of that an abuser will stop abusing that victim that stays in a relationship even with legal or psychological intervention.
One red flag to watch out for or reflect on if your relationship seems off is if you are in a relationship that started off fast and with constant attention, gifts, and affection, but now he only gives those things in response to his bad behavior. That could be a sign of love bombing. The abusive man tries to buy the affection of his mate initially and then slowly stops the attention and only resorts to love bombing to convince her stay.
Another red flag in a relationship is if you are experiencing a constant rollercoaster of high highs and low lows. That is called trauma bonding. If things are only great after an incident of abuse because of the love bombing that is called the cycle of abuse. Tension builds, abuse happens, and then there is a period of calm or love bombing until tension rebuilds, and the cycle repeats.
Friend I pray you this is not your situation but because so many women in this state face this reality, that it was important to share the resources that I have discovered on this topic that is so heavy on my heart. What I can tell you is that the Lord is faithful and leads his beloved daughters to life and peace when they choose to fully surrender themselves to His perfect plan for their lives. I have seen him lovingly rescue, redeem, and restore and I know He can do it for anyone in this situation.
Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1 800 799- SAFE
Resources more suited after leaving an abusive situation.
Scriptures
Joshua 1:9-Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Isaiah 41: 10-So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Proverbs 1:33- But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.
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